There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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