what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
