it wasn't lemon gatorade
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
