Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
