brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize