This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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