Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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