Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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