I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
