I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
