Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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