Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
