there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My bed smells like the plague
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
