someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
