somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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