I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
