no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize