I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
