Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
