Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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