I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
