when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
