found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
