reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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