i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
