When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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