She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize