I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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