My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
