I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
