If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
