Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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