i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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