K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
