I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
