the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
