Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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