I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
