I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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