If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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