Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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