The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
