porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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