oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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