pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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