nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
