no, he came in my armpit
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
