Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
