is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
