My liver just broke up with me...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
