this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
