just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
