Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
