Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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