I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
