A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
