Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
