You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
