Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
