In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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