During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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