Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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