did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
