I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
