What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
