got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
