I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
