I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
