I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
