his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
