The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
