Swine flu. Run for my life!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
