my sisters under your porch take her home
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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